I laugh at my own identity quite often. who am I ?!?
I am a core center with many outlying extremes.
I have been traveling my extremes this summer ... mostly on the insdie.
its a summer time thing i think. body alive. body opening up. sucking in more air. running harder and faster in the sun.
one of things i like to do is lay down in the sunshine and dream about possibilities. and warmer weather makes me feel free and naked, and i am back in that place of imagining...
who am i?
what can i be? trying on different degrees of existence.
sometimes i feel soft. flowing river. sometimes i feel edgy. stronger. sometimes i feel ready to fight.
sometimes i am quiet. i can laugh so loud too. i can be sentimental and full of love.
and sometimes i feel like i can barely scrape the scabs off my wounded existence to get to the healed and whole essence of who i really am
its not the long hair
the color of my face after running
its not even the way i have to shave my legs every single day or go itchy crazy
its not my office with all its trinkets and colorful things
or my closet that is almost always messy.
not my fingernails which go from long and painted red to short with dirt under the edges from paint or pulling weeds from my garden
its really not any of these things
its not all the things i want to try on still
its not the super short hair, red again and curly
not the homemade skirts with a thousand pockets
its not the motorcycle i want but have never driven
its not the paintings i have never painted
its not the candles i have never lit
its my core
and the core of you that overlaps in me
every one of you
overlapping into me
and making me delighted
puzzled pieces changing places and rearranging our pictures
each moment i accept a new version of me
the one that gushes up to the surface
and i kiss it
i try to embrace it but it disappears
each moment that i discover another side of me
ready to explore
and i try to let go of any expectations to be anything but who i want to be in this very moment
and that is probably my greatest challenge
to just be who i want me to be
but i am
sloathing off all the outside influences
and letting my breath create
each next moment
each expression
of my
identity
