breaking all my crayons .......

.............. the last two weeks i have been down in the basement of my soul.... cleaning out all kinds of boxes. boxes stuff full of papers i never even read before.

and you know those back corners of the closet.... behind the boxes of shoes, behind the rod of clothes... the place where you find safey pins and lost bras. yeah.... i went there too. found all kinds of lost pieces of time.... places in my memory that were lost when the moon went down.

dragging it up and airing it out. washing and hanging it out in the sunshine on the line.....

and now.
now.

i know myself better than before.
i know pieces of my life that can only be looked at in retrospect, with
magnifying 3-d glasses.

and now.
umm.... i am so amused.
so crazy happy
that i am listening to the music as loud as the speakers will let me
and coloring with my permanent markers..... all outside the lines you know.
messy
breaking all the rules
and breaking crayons in half ... twice.

i'm going crazy happy.
now.

sitting on top of the world, feet dangling over the edge. and from up here it all makes perfect sense.

now i'm rollin

I've gotten a good groove going. I finally got focused enough to really dive head over heels into some creative projects and I am just now coming up for air.

I think I'll sit here on the side of the project pool for a few minutes and dry off...
hahah

But. not long. I wanna dive back in and keep with this flow.
I really feel like the next phase of this creative sabatical is starting to gel in my mind and in my visions ... so.... whats that mean? it means it will start being a part of my hands on reality soon.
I see it, I think it, then I make it.

I want a really good run. then a good book. then a good nights sleep. tomorrow is gonna be a day for diving in again. my computer is humming. ahhaha

(ps. nerdy spreadsheets are dancing in my head. ) LOL

summer sabatical updates...

well....
so here I am.
quite a few weeks into my official summer creative sabbatical.

i have organized. i have painted my office. i have sorted through information. i have jotted down many notes. i have been moving at an easy pace. i have been building in bike rides, hikes, poolside book reading and coffee shop walks........

its just what its supposed to be and I am very grateful.

but i want to also acknowledge and talk about the underlying tendency to buck against this process and just go back to my old way of doing things. its a challenge to trust this process and keep believing in this way of easy-ness.

I had a chance, then two, then three chances to lease a building last year for The Divine Playhouse. I walked away from each...
why?
Because I have a wise heart beating in my chest and it is beating out a new rhythm for me. It is pumping life through my body in a new direction.....
I am here to breathe in this new experience before moving forward. I have carved away this time to create REST in my life. A PAUSE POINT. a moment of reflection.

I am giving myself the time to create with no expectation. no time line. no audience.
I am giving myself time to think.

The struggle the last 24 hours is what to "do" to step into a creation mode.
I know a lot about this hesitation before the SURGE of power that becomes CREATION.
what I do not know a lot about is how to handle my irritation with this moment. this irritation with myself for not being able to do it more smoothly.

so I waver in procrastination and fumbling.
i scoot things about. i make excessive messes. i clean them up.
and then finally i dive in.
i sit.
i stand.
i sit again.
until finally i am able to quiet the chatter of life and step into the moment of bliss.
the moment of CREATION

so maybe its a CREATION SABATICAL....