Its a most amazing moment

Right this moment I feel like I am in heaven....
Everything around me is absolutely divine and brimming over with beauty.

there is peaceful stillness in the air this morning...
windows open wide on a december morning... winds coming in and encouraging me. winds of change. gentle, easy winds of change
kissing me gently on the cheeks and whispering to me that everything is going to be ok.
really ok.
better than ever ok.
life is unfolding. winds are blowing. everything new is waiting for me.

and i am following the goodness.
stepping through fields of satisfaction... going towards more satisfaction.
its all right here for me
now.

I love my life.
I love that these moments come to me over and over.
no matter where i go.
no matter what material possessions are around me
the essence of this moment follows me.

its not about what i own
not about what i do
this love wraps around me every where i go.

I know there are big changes ahead and I am stepping into the moment with true belief that all is well and even more satisfaction waits for me.

Purrfect Love

The Kitties sit with me in the morning while I journal and meditate.
They look out the ~~~ window to the world~~~ with me.
and we imagine beautiful things together.

I love these pictures.
what happy little creatures of love!




They are happy to roll around at my feet and purrrrr.



They have purrrfect ideas about how to sell this house and move on to the next phase.
Good things are unfolding!

Preparing

I am hiding in my house right now. I am preparing many things for the big move coming up....
Its exciting times and I am overflowing with the energy of love and gratitude.

I am busy creating new things in fireworks. I'm sitting in my office by the fireplace. Its warm and toasty and I am enjoying this time of creating. I just had a cup of hot chocolate. I'm listening to good music. Everything around here is just buzzing with the energy of whats going on.

Good good stuff is unfolding.
I believe it is going to be an amazing journey as we step into this new experience...

Energy Into the Move

I have made an energy circle with intentions and visions for the move!

This is an exciting process.

I am so eager to see future dreams unfold !!

I have soaked up every sweet moment in this house.
Now its time to ~ DIVIDE~ this house into many other projects!

I am seeing
- Commercial Property for The Divine Playhouse
- retreat houses / rental houses
- my *own *office/studio artist reatreat house ~~~~ This is my favorite next dream!

So many dreams! I am ready to let this house go, so that I can create with the *Dream Seeds* that have been sown here... now multiplied into new seeds.

I believe that every detail is already worked out. I just feel the energy of that transition in my heart and I am there.
Beautiful.

Now I'm Moving !! ~*~*~*~*~*~ !

Its been a wild mini hibernation!
who thought so much wildness could bellow out of the cave of hiding.

I am very excited about what is evolving right before my eyes.
Reality is overflowing from my soul and into my life...


I am grateful! I am very grateful!
everything is really moving now... i think the earth is shaking below me.
foundations are shifting and new worlds are being birthed around me.

life is beautiful. life is so very beautiful.

rolling along...living life

Its been such a wonderful, FULL year! It's the beginning of the last month of the year and I am remembering where I was last year this time. I had just entered a deep hibernation. I went into my cave and sat with my soul. It was time of letting go of deadlines, expectations, and other annoying habits of living. And here I am one year later.... ahhhhh enjoying new freedoms!

Last year this time I stared living life by
my *FLOW LINE*

ah! I am really enjoying this new way of living. Its the "flow line" (as oppossed to the -deadline-)
The wintery weather has brought me back inside to my office more. I have been working on many projects the last few days. And honestly I originally thought that a lot of these projects would be launched already... but .... you see... all year long I have wandered along my little path enjoying myself. So instead of JUST doing the projects, I have also really and truly LIVED LIFE! and it doesn't matter that I am just now getting to some of these things...because I have all the time in the world. And I am living a FULL life every step of the way.
and really, is there anything better than that?!?!?

I'm living and enjoying life!
I'm playing!
I'm laughing.
I'm napping.
I'm having lunch on the porch.
making love in the afternoon.
dancing in the morning
painting at midnight.
listening and sharing with friends.
breathing deeply
hearing God whisper in my ears.
seeing the Universe dance before my eyes.
feeling Source Energy tickle my toes
Watching LIFE unfold before like visions that have come to manifestation.

and this is what I want more than anything
and this is what all the projects of creation point me towards...
so i am just living my way all the way...

mini- hibernation

about this time last year i went into hibernation... deep hibernation. curl up under covers for days and read and dream, kinda hibernation.

once again, the sun is falling to sleep much earlier in the day and the moon is telling me to go inside.
its time to pull out the covers again and sink into my soul.

i have some projects in gear. i'm ready to relax and i'm ready to concentrate.
i don't think its going to be the same as last year... more like a mini-hibernation.
i'm ready

expansion

expansion
breath out
bounds down

roll out
expand over the span of time

this is where i live my life
expanding beyond my body
beyond my limitations
into my expression
under my breath
there is life coming in

sometimes its slow
this pace is mine
sometimes i unfold quickly
like an accordion book falls open on the table
ready to read

there is no such thing as secret
everything is living out in my soul
and everything about me is open
and unfolding
expression of self
into the world i live in
in sweet gentle time


expansion takes its own right time
winds of change have to blow thru and clear the path ahead
so that we can walk smoothly
confidently
into our expanded self

i like that.
i like taking my time now
its new to me
to savor all the present moments with out rushing ahead

and i like how i allow myself to expand with ease
natural like breathing
fluid like water
flowing like rivers
growing like vines up the trellis

all these physical expressions
are visible with time
and expanding in my life
one breath at a time

cruising...

so i'm cruising now...

Its been an eventful, soulful summer.
I have traveled many back roads and many side streets. and every moment was worth while.

There is a new clarity in my being and I am so grateful I have taken this time for Creative Sabatical. Its not quite over, but I have definitely felt a shift. Theres a little more work to be done now. and I am ready for the process...

my identity

I laugh at my own identity quite often. who am I ?!?

I am a core center with many outlying extremes.

I have been traveling my extremes this summer ... mostly on the insdie.
its a summer time thing i think. body alive. body opening up. sucking in more air. running harder and faster in the sun.

one of things i like to do is lay down in the sunshine and dream about possibilities. and warmer weather makes me feel free and naked, and i am back in that place of imagining...

who am i?
what can i be? trying on different degrees of existence.
sometimes i feel soft. flowing river. sometimes i feel edgy. stronger. sometimes i feel ready to fight.
sometimes i am quiet. i can laugh so loud too. i can be sentimental and full of love.
and sometimes i feel like i can barely scrape the scabs off my wounded existence to get to the healed and whole essence of who i really am

its not the long hair
the color of my face after running
its not even the way i have to shave my legs every single day or go itchy crazy
its not my office with all its trinkets and colorful things
or my closet that is almost always messy.
not my fingernails which go from long and painted red to short with dirt under the edges from paint or pulling weeds from my garden
its really not any of these things
its not all the things i want to try on still
its not the super short hair, red again and curly
not the homemade skirts with a thousand pockets
its not the motorcycle i want but have never driven
its not the paintings i have never painted
its not the candles i have never lit


its my core
and the core of you that overlaps in me
every one of you
overlapping into me
and making me delighted
puzzled pieces changing places and rearranging our pictures


each moment i accept a new version of me
the one that gushes up to the surface
and i kiss it

i try to embrace it but it disappears
each moment that i discover another side of me
ready to explore

and i try to let go of any expectations to be anything but who i want to be in this very moment
and that is probably my greatest challenge
to just be who i want me to be
but i am
sloathing off all the outside influences
and letting my breath create
each next moment
each expression
of my
identity

You have to feel it...

Dreams are little visions that parade across the mind's eye.
tiny pictures which point arrows towards the paths i can take on this journey.
When I get attached to a certain vision... then I start to remember it over and over.

giving the options of unfolding a little more grace in my mind...
working out the kinks, playing with the options.

but sometimes the vision starts to fade
the details get hazy and the purpose of the dream is no longer alive

this is when its time to pause a moment

you have to feel it
and today thats what I am doing... i'm trying to connect with the emotions that make up all my dreams.
what is it that we really long for?
what is it that we are reaching out to experience????

because its not in any THING
its not in any PERSON
its in me already.
and i just have to FEEL it.
remember it.
wrap it around me


you realllly have to feel it in your body. in your being.
in your frame of mind.

otherwise its just a motion. repetition. boredom. lifeless attention to detail.

and thats not where you feel alive.


....
lately i have noticed that distractions are everywhere around me
soaking up my attention and leading me away from my visions
but thats ok.
thats summer .... and i like summer for this reason.

but today i am feeeeeeling all my dreams and reconnecting to what i want for my life.

breaking all my crayons .......

.............. the last two weeks i have been down in the basement of my soul.... cleaning out all kinds of boxes. boxes stuff full of papers i never even read before.

and you know those back corners of the closet.... behind the boxes of shoes, behind the rod of clothes... the place where you find safey pins and lost bras. yeah.... i went there too. found all kinds of lost pieces of time.... places in my memory that were lost when the moon went down.

dragging it up and airing it out. washing and hanging it out in the sunshine on the line.....

and now.
now.

i know myself better than before.
i know pieces of my life that can only be looked at in retrospect, with
magnifying 3-d glasses.

and now.
umm.... i am so amused.
so crazy happy
that i am listening to the music as loud as the speakers will let me
and coloring with my permanent markers..... all outside the lines you know.
messy
breaking all the rules
and breaking crayons in half ... twice.

i'm going crazy happy.
now.

sitting on top of the world, feet dangling over the edge. and from up here it all makes perfect sense.

now i'm rollin

I've gotten a good groove going. I finally got focused enough to really dive head over heels into some creative projects and I am just now coming up for air.

I think I'll sit here on the side of the project pool for a few minutes and dry off...
hahah

But. not long. I wanna dive back in and keep with this flow.
I really feel like the next phase of this creative sabatical is starting to gel in my mind and in my visions ... so.... whats that mean? it means it will start being a part of my hands on reality soon.
I see it, I think it, then I make it.

I want a really good run. then a good book. then a good nights sleep. tomorrow is gonna be a day for diving in again. my computer is humming. ahhaha

(ps. nerdy spreadsheets are dancing in my head. ) LOL

summer sabatical updates...

well....
so here I am.
quite a few weeks into my official summer creative sabbatical.

i have organized. i have painted my office. i have sorted through information. i have jotted down many notes. i have been moving at an easy pace. i have been building in bike rides, hikes, poolside book reading and coffee shop walks........

its just what its supposed to be and I am very grateful.

but i want to also acknowledge and talk about the underlying tendency to buck against this process and just go back to my old way of doing things. its a challenge to trust this process and keep believing in this way of easy-ness.

I had a chance, then two, then three chances to lease a building last year for The Divine Playhouse. I walked away from each...
why?
Because I have a wise heart beating in my chest and it is beating out a new rhythm for me. It is pumping life through my body in a new direction.....
I am here to breathe in this new experience before moving forward. I have carved away this time to create REST in my life. A PAUSE POINT. a moment of reflection.

I am giving myself the time to create with no expectation. no time line. no audience.
I am giving myself time to think.

The struggle the last 24 hours is what to "do" to step into a creation mode.
I know a lot about this hesitation before the SURGE of power that becomes CREATION.
what I do not know a lot about is how to handle my irritation with this moment. this irritation with myself for not being able to do it more smoothly.

so I waver in procrastination and fumbling.
i scoot things about. i make excessive messes. i clean them up.
and then finally i dive in.
i sit.
i stand.
i sit again.
until finally i am able to quiet the chatter of life and step into the moment of bliss.
the moment of CREATION

so maybe its a CREATION SABATICAL....

synthesize

Synthesize - this word means to put something together, to make something out of different parts. If you stitched a quilt together from different scraps of cloth, or built a car out of parts from a junkyard, you would be synthesizing. In chemistry, synthesizing means putting together new molecules. The act of synthesizing is called synthesis.

Even though we often use the word "synthetic" to describe human-made materials, synthesis also happens in nature. When the body makes molecules of DNA or proteins, we say the body is synthesizing these molecules.

*********internet definition******

The last week or so has been very interesting. I have been very weak physically. moving slow as if my mind wants every ounce of my energy to process information... or maybe its another part of my being that is in overdrive.

my brain feels like it is defragmenting the hard drive. I am SYNTHESIZING information and creating a new map of creation within my being.

I have been laying on the couch, or the porch, or in the bed a lot this past week. I read, nap, take notes... get up planning to do something, and then fall back into the same heap of concentration all over again. lots of synthesis going on...

Dreams in the night

I had a dream... and now I am awake at 2:47 in the morning with a sense of awe.
Taylor had a dream too, and in his dream he asked me a question. It woke me enough to realize what I had just been dreaming. so I am glad he was talking in his sleep.

I am filled with a certain sense of awe right now. the night is still all around me and I can feel the dream still alive in me as reality. I am sleepy and I will go back to bed in just a bit... but I didn't want to let the dream slip away. I didn't want to miss this moment. I had to write a moment, and capture the moment to remember tomorrow.

...

something amazing is happening again.
something new and fresh is unfolding in my life and I am walking in the middle of it only half aware.

dreams give us a greater glimpse.
and i want to remember all this inspiration

Summer Possibility ~ from the Life List

It might not be summer yet in your world... but my summer officially started today.
I was walking back from 5points the other day with a friend and we started talking about horseback riding... and I said "Its on my life list to ride horses on the beach. I'm gonna try to do that this summer.... " and so I started thinking about a lot of things on my life list. I picked some out as possibilities for this summer.


******POSSIBILITY******
* start the porch parties
* read a fiction book in a hammock
* ride horses on the beach
* swim with dolphins (just signed up for this! end of july)
* go out on a harley (with a driver!) and take a ride on a back road
* hang a swing in my house
* lay a blanket in a field during & dream like a child.... no limits
* sing live karaoke (just did this!! and will again :)
* paint and send letters to friends that are written on huge sheets of butcher paper
* paint an entire block with sidewalk chalk… bring in people from the neighborhood to help (ah! I did this!! cool... I'll do it again)
* take my backpack and hang out in a seclude corner of the park with my laptop all afternoon
* make webpages that tell stories of the people that inspire me
* camping

not pushing to make all these things happen...
just going with the flow.
and SURELY other great things will fill in all the gaps ....

even MORE pleasure please....

Whats your **pleasure*** ???
what makes you feel undeniably grateful to be alive?
do you know your satisfaction?

Is it something you have
is it something you feel
something touched or
is your pleasure a state of experience

I have found that people sometimes shy away from the word ... pleasure.


or put it off.... pleasure later.
deny it... never. not for me.
or turn away. walk away. and walk into dissatisfaction.
no pleasure....

* ~ * ~ * ~
I am stepping into the middle of my experience of pleasure.
I have walked to the center and I am bellowing out my desire for MORE.

more freedom
more movement
more releasing
more space
more experiences
more flavors
more dancing
more singing
more exchange

more sunshine
more moonlight
more stillness
more beauty
more pleasure please

Arms open wide.
Room for more.
This is my life
and I am enjoying this Pleasure.
unbounded.

so damn busy and i LOVE it....

Welll..... summer sabatical is in full gear.
and this grlll is loving her creative pleasures!

I finally got my office all set up (or at least set up ENOUGH ) thigns are organized again and sorted into more manable zones. painting stuff here, fabrics here, and a very tall bookshelf that is covered in "project stacks"

i am so stoked about working on these projects!

i love my life.
i love my life.

this is the best experience i could possibly imagine for this summer....
i am very much filled with gratitude.

put me on the mood elevator

put me on the mood elevator
hot hot
i'm riding to the top
im going go from the bottom
to the top floor

its crazy hectic in the basement with the boxes
with the old and dirty shoes
i'm riding on the mood elevator
and i'm taking me with you

my clothes change colors from dingy to blue
my face goes from frowning to singing outloud shining with pleasure and goodness flowing thru
me to you
its my mood elevator
and i'm taking me with you

at the bottom floor we're sad and blue
but on the mood elevator we move right through
and what do we want
we want good good stuff
shiny steady central highness
traveling
up to the top
making everything glow in the light
glow in the sunshine
at the top
close to the clouds
close to the sun
laying naked and feeling alright
there where you'll find me
feeling alright
in the sunshine
at the top
feeling alright
all is well
and i am bright

so i moved everything around again...

if you know me...
you know i move things around a lot.

really... i think its a lot of fun.
i change every day to some degree... why should i keep walking around in the same scene?
its kinda like an environmental art project to me. i rearrange my environment and i echo whats going on inside me.

i have been inside organizing everything in my studio/office the last few days.

i have been sorting out art supplies.
& creating a massive spreadsheet "flowline" pages that map out possible paths for my summer & fall in regards to kastle key (yes, this is true i am a computer nerd)

and i have also been pulled into a massive organization of my house pictures. let me tell you, this has been on my personal wish list for 3 years now. its giving me a lot of satisfaction to create a little storybook of memories using all these photos. i'm happy to share it all, but really its for me. so that I can remember. so i can read the story again and again and remember how much i absolutely love my life. how many blessings have been there for me because i have believed in the power of life. its there for every single living breathing one of us... but this is my story and i relish in the details.

yeah, im happy.

check out my photography journal .. and click on "house love" to see what i'm talking about.

life doesn't stop... so i just keep on rollin

the last three weeks have been a little odd. i set a new ball in motion when i decided to move some rooms around. i'm still trying to get things settled back into their new place. i also accepted work on a few outside projects and i got a little lost from my own work while helping others. i am trying to refocus and reclaim my boundaries a little bit right now. what is it that i am focused on?? huh?

i think i will spend thursday trying to get my studio set up in a way that will delight me a little more. right now it just seems to be a big mess and every time i walk in i want to walk right back out, or come to this corner and turn my chair so I am looking away from it all.

its time to lock all my doors, and hide away for a few days.
its time to imagine everything finding its place. to imagine order.
life doesn't stop.... so i just keep on rollin.
in the undercurrent of confusion, all my projects are still alive and rollin along with me.
i just need to get a little clarity so i can see everything clearly again.

Wild Things..

.... you can trust your desires.

they are leading your heart. desires are like little episodes of possibility that play on your minds eye. what do you see? what do you quietly dream about when all people have exited and its you alone with you?

lately i have been pushing the boundaries in my mind. thats where they move first ya know. in the mind before the world around thee.

I'm pushing out farther now that spring is here. its the green. its the tank tops and barefeet that are feeling sunshine again. i feel alive.
hibernation is behind me and i've slothed off the blankets and sleep and I feel awake and full of wildness.

everything mildly wild, outrageously wild, remotely adventurous has my attention right now. motorcycles and dancing naked running through my mind. ahhahahah alluring. ahhahah

i listen to the whisper. i turn my head when I catch fascinating out of the corner of my eye. this is HERE to move me. to take my hand and lead me farther into my destiny with MY life. my experiences.

there is nothing to be afraid of.
there is nothing to hold me back or limit me.
my wisdom runs deep.
i know myself
my discernment is keen
my wildness is untapped.


ahahha I am laughing now... thinking of the sign i made years ago.

"this is the wild woman's journey.
diving into my rich flowing core.
pursuing truth.
Finding more."

and the journey continues for me.
and i absolutely love it!!!

deadline or no deadline?

no deadline....

well the friends I am running with would love for me to commit to the half marathon that is coming up in a few weeks. it sounds so fun... but I really don't want to have a deadline.
when I committed to this i wanted it to be a practice that complimented my new way of "doing" things.
learning pace. going with the flow. learning how to get there without a deadline. i'll arrive when i arrive.
yeah. so i'm not signing up for this one. but i know that eventually i will be ready. and i will know i am ready.
i trust this process.

BUT i did hear that there is a 5k coming up in a short while and for the first time ever that sounds very very manageable! so i think i might do that. how cool will it be to get a number :)

Trusting the Process

I was drinking my morning coffee in the bathtub this morning... (morning bubble baths are so different than evening ones.. a whole different mood and thought process is followed) Anyway... it was morning sunshine and visions of how my day might unfold...
and I was noticing that as much as I am relaxing into this creative sabbatical in my life, as much as I am enjoying it and riding a wave that is effortlessly carrying me along.... I still have to focus on trusting the process.
I used to be more comfortable trusting hard work to get me somewhere. I was used to setting deadlines for myself and pushing myself to accomplish things more quickly.
Now I am teetering. Transitioning from one way of being into another way of being is not one distinct step in most cases. this has been a process of accepting more relaxation and pleasure into my life. this has been a process of observing myself riding the wave effortlessly and easily. there's an ocean of life under me.. and its moving me across miles of water while i am resting. while i am dreaming. while i am trusting.

again i am grateful

still running

I'm still running...
its been gentle lately, because my shins have been inflamed a bit and because its been raining straight through 7 days now. Its nature break for me. I've had few light jogs and I am amazed about the fact that the easy stuff for me now, used to be what felt almost impossible. that is awesome to experience. growth.

I got some awesome shoes. nike free shoes. taylor introduced me to them from his wish list. they have soles that bend and shape to your foot. its supposed to be as close to running barefoot as a shoe can mimic. its cool. it took awhile to get used to them, but now i wear them around the house and feel like a track star. hahah
its so fun to do new things in life.

my beach house collage

so, if you know me well... you know i am planning on getting a beach house someday. i made an awesome digital collage today with a bunch of my favorite pictures. here's the notebook.

dreams i am touching

warning : i am having a slight coffee buzz. i haven't had afternoon coffee in awhile and i just got a latte :)

ok... there is so much going on in my little world today. i am blissed out.
in case you don't know.... my winter hibernation has moved into a summer sabitical. a creative sabatical. I spent the last two months creating this digital vision board/brainstorming notebook on my computer that has been so much fun and now I am looking for a place for the summer that I can use to start building all this stuff! if you come across any opportunities let me know. (think garage with an ac unit.) a workshop. a place where i can paint signs, haul in couches, paint furniture, store tables... that kinda place. ideally I would like it to be sorta close, so i can pop in whenever. i am so excited. this is going to be where I can really create.

two other things... I think I have more money coming my way again ;) I feel it coming. so I'm pretty excited about that, because the last time it came in I was able to shift my schedule to what it is now, in order to make time for all this stuff i am creating... and this time I think its going to be just what I need to get my operating budget to the level I would like before moving into our new space. I knew it would be here for me as soon as the timing was right to move forward.

I keep seeing these amazing visions of whats just up ahead. these pictures are so real, so tangible, i feel like I am walking in a dream while awake. i almost don't know what is real and what is a vision. when this happens, I know my visions are beginning to collide with the energies that have been set in motion to create in reality. walking reality.

The Place of Gratitude

Once you move into the place of gratitude....that's when it all comes together. That is when we are really in the essence of creation.
It is in the place of complete expectation and belief that gratitude swirls around my being and everything falls in place.

I am in that place right now.
I have full knowing that all is well ... all is very very well. Miracles are happening as specks of dust move and swirl to orchestrate this new creation.
Its a remarkable, microscopic process that has the power to move boulders and align me with all the resources and opportunities needed.

I am grateful. I am in a swirl of happy blissful gratitude.

I got there...

Last night I went out to run and I felt like a ton of bricks. I went for awhile thinking eventually I was just going to break through the fog. It never really happened though and I decided to be kind to my body and let it walk. There was a storm brewing and I left the process for some sushi... a vegetarian sunshine roll that was delicious. I went home and went to sleep.
I think sometimes we just have to honor where are bodies are on a particular day. I went to the process. I was present and that seemed to be the most important part. I know I will run better next time because I kept the habit going. I got there....

Bliss while running

I have had several BLISSFUL moments while running.

always the music beating in my head. always my core moving my body forward. always the future on the screen in front of me. always the present moment wrapped around me like a sphere of bliss.

What to do after Hibernation ......Creative Sabbatical

We had a beautiful snowy day yesterday. It was wonderful. All this hibernating has been just fabulous. I have had so much time the past few months to rest. I have climbed under the covers with my dreaming machine. I have scribbled endless piles of notes. I have sorted and organized my visions into order. I have had countless cups of hot tea, and even more hot bubble baths near midnight. Its been great.

Its surely nearing an end though. The little jolts of spring like sunshine are becoming more common and that makes me feel like moving.

The big thought in all this.... I like this flow.
I reeeeaaaallllllly like this way of living. ahahhaha

I like not rushing. I like napping often. I like making my creative process very lucid and I really like all this alone time I am giving myself. I want more!

So.... I was thinking I might transition my hibernation into a sabbatical. I keep hearing that word in my head.
I called Sark yesterday and she said she was taking a creative sabbatical! great minds thinking alike ????... this is exactly what I am talking about here.

Consider me moving into Creative Sabbatical mode....
I imagine this will mean naps on blankets under the dreaming tree. spring breezes and bike rides spent pondering the details. maybe i'll take my pad and paper from the couch by the fire... to the firepit outside on a springy night.

this is good.

edit : since sitting with this idea for awhile, I have decided to rename this to my summer sabatical. i like the double Ss

Surge of Energy

That winter sky is still gray today....its still winter. but there is a surge in me.

energy is running through my veins again.
ahhh power.
It feels so good to feel the bright energy in my body.
its moving me

and leslie is creating again.

hibernation has been about absorbing and soaking up energy around me. thinking. dreaming. and its like bottling up energy.
well, the bottle top popped this morning and I am in CREATION mode.

i don't think its the big one... but a little surge to make me feel alive again.

they say snow is coming, but today winter hibernation has been jolted by this surge of energy.

good good day.

Emptying my Brain onto the Notebook

My brain is a very busy place to be. Something that delights me most of the time. But its a daily practice to decide and direct my thoughts in a way that serves me.
.... um walking meditation....

harness the power, direct the stream.

I have this awesome new system for organizing the vast amount of information that is coming through the channels of my brain right now.
Its overwhelming sometimes to try and direct this amount of traffic. I am learning though. And this virtual notebook is plucking the information from the cherry tree in my brain. sorting, sifting, organizing, and reorganizing.

hibernation weather came back again and i've naturally landed back in my dreamers corner to participate in this process.

I do feel longing to come out of this cave soon though.... so, sunshine, sunshine! come out soon and warm us all.

just thinking...

I woke up this morning with some strange dreams in my head...

I love how my dreams can show me where my thoughts are and where the emotions are strongest.

this morning I got the coffee cup and headed to the front porch to breath in the morning. my desk felt stale and lifeless and though its february and a little chilly out there, the fresh air gave me perspective. the world around me grew larger the moment I stepped out of my house and onto the observation deck... of my soul.

what holds me back when I would like to be moving?
what pushes me when I should be resting?
oddly enough these polar opposites sometimes paralize me and leave me stranded in the middle of my destiny.

I know the inside of my soul better than I know the habits of the life I have created around me. So, in many ways, this period of hibernation is about transforming, and giving discipline/ meditation to the thoughts that create my habits of living.

**
I am really grateful for this time of rest in my life. I carved away this opportunity and I thank myself over and over again! ahhhaha
note to self: do this again.
Resting and concentration are habits worth developing.

Its a Time of Preparation....

Right now is very much a time of preparation for me. I have been in this beautiful house on Woodland Street for 3 years now... and it has been an amazing journey of self evolution. I have been refining my beliefs.... especially beliefs about self and my relation to others. wow. such growth.

The path has been as imagined but...
the interesting thing about life in the moment... the winding and circling parts are where the really really juicy stuff is born.

I have found this little staircase on the journey. almost a detour up, but more like an off road adventure into my soul. its a resting space. a dancing space. a hideaway above all expectations. a place where new habits and new degrees of self love are being cultivated.

this is where i have been going while hibernating this winter.
and I am beginning to think I might stay here awhile.
this is a time of preparation.
this is a time that is changing me.
refining me.
a greater purity of motivation is being uncovered.
It is going to make the next step of CREATION more satisfying to me.
Its a time of preparation... I'm sensing our new space on the horizon. The Divine Playhouse is so alive, but needs a new front door. And I am really enjoying this time I am taking to sort through all the planning notes and just sit with all the information in my heart and mind.
I am so very fascinated to see what will unfold next.

creating new layouts

I have been lost in a dream world all day... sitting at the little station in my studio that I like to call "media publishing central" ....ok, a little overboard, but in my mind this is where any and all media I am creating gets organzied and put together.

I have been playing ... organizing playhouse notes, and creating layouts on my big screen.... and that is my work. life is sweeeet!

Today I am Inspired by this Collaboration

I have been inspired by this collaborative project. I listened and I connected with a greater hope for our society... not just a new president who will lead our country with greatness... but a society that will lead Collectively. Yes we Can.

Right now...

Right Now I am organizing ten thousand tiny pieces of paper.

Its my brain on notes/snippets.

and actually... I'm having a blast. ahhaha

Hibernating... what its all about today

SO its winter in Nashville... today its 66 degrees and I am barefoot on the front porch. winter hibernating hasn't been all fireside with hot chocolate so far. nice huh? unexpected and so nice.

But I am still hibernating. I'm laying low, and making few plans if any. well at least not on my calendar.

If you want to find me you should look for one of my lazy spots. I'm doodling in my notebook, sipping tea and capacinos at the coffee shop, and reading.
its serious discipline for me... staying focused on this unfamiliar process is requiring a new level of living-meditation.

but i tell ya, i'm getting clear and thats the most important part of getting what you want from life.

pace

I am already amazed at how much training for the 1/2 marathon is teaching me about all aspects of my life.
I am re-remembering how much pace plays into endurance. and endurance requires resting points.
I have always been quite capable at enduring. moving forward for very very long periods of time with little rest. but looking back, maybe I was tired at times and didn't allow myself to rest. maybe I pushed too hard.

now I am learning how to move forward in an even better way. in a way that allows a more enjoyable balance for relaxation and rest.
I'm learning my personal pace. my personal pace allows more ENJOYMENT in moving forward.

Pace.

the flow line...(instead of *time*line)

something new in my life is the idea of my ***flow line*****

time line ---- converts to a ----- FLOW LINE

you like that don't you??? :)

Things move around so easily on this FLOW LINE

What are the Steps from here to there…
and can you skip over some because you are in the flow?
maybe its even easier.
don’t hold too tight to the timeline in your head!

What if you don't wait so long to move forward… what if you stop putting the brakes on ?
you have this new way of thinking that is causing you to re-examine how you do everything… but you can ride on the flow and move forward with EASE and ENJOYMENT…
that’s what this new experience is all about!

ok...I'm going to train

After emailing and talking with people who have trained before... I have decided I am going to train for a 1/2 Marathon! yeah.

Here's the really big addition though... no time stamp. no time line. no dates.

just like my preparation for our new Divine Playhouse space... just like I am doing with just about every other project in my life... there is no projected TIME that this has to be completed. i'm in this for the PROCESS. the ENJOYMENT. the EXPERIENCE.
no expectations. no pushing, shoving, or foul behavior. this is going to be another change to practice this concept of JOURNEY for the experience of the PLEASURE.

I'll run a 1/2 marathon whenever I am ready.

ok. I'm excited about this. my body feels eager to participate.

1/2 Marathon ???

I've always wanted to run in a race. Not to win a race, just to be in the crowd of running people... moving forward as a whole mass. And I like the path forward. I like the training. I like the attention to the body.

So Chrissy wants to train for a 1/2 marathon. At first I said "no way" I am all about relaxing and hibernating right now. right??

well... I also feel like I am looking to get more connected to my physical body. get out of my mind and my spirit a little more often and get connected to the physical body I am living in. I'm also good with goals. good with moving forward with purpose.

so, maybe.
yeah.

Happy New Year!! 2008

2008 has started out just as I intended. There is a very important shift going on in my life right now. I am changing the way I live my life, in many ways, because the motivations behind what I do have shifted...

Its a "one year" and we are beginning a whole new decade of life. For me 2007 was the end of my 20s and damn, I was glad of that. The 20s for me were about DRIVE and DETERMINATION. I was on a fast track of marking things off my life-TO-DO list. (very different kinda things than my life list) I pushed and shoved and rushed my life along very much of the time during my 20s. There was so very much to do to MAKE things HAPPEN.

Now we are in a new decade... and I am living for the moment, diving into the pleasures of life, and leaving deadlines behind. Ahhh feels free.

I am excited about how this is going to shift the way I create the path to the new Divine Playhouse space. I believe its going to be much more enjoyable to me...

I look forward to writing about this process as it evolves and unfolds here in the new year of 2008.

Happy New Year Universe. Its going to be a goooooood life!