life doesn't stop... so i just keep on rollin

the last three weeks have been a little odd. i set a new ball in motion when i decided to move some rooms around. i'm still trying to get things settled back into their new place. i also accepted work on a few outside projects and i got a little lost from my own work while helping others. i am trying to refocus and reclaim my boundaries a little bit right now. what is it that i am focused on?? huh?

i think i will spend thursday trying to get my studio set up in a way that will delight me a little more. right now it just seems to be a big mess and every time i walk in i want to walk right back out, or come to this corner and turn my chair so I am looking away from it all.

its time to lock all my doors, and hide away for a few days.
its time to imagine everything finding its place. to imagine order.
life doesn't stop.... so i just keep on rollin.
in the undercurrent of confusion, all my projects are still alive and rollin along with me.
i just need to get a little clarity so i can see everything clearly again.

Wild Things..

.... you can trust your desires.

they are leading your heart. desires are like little episodes of possibility that play on your minds eye. what do you see? what do you quietly dream about when all people have exited and its you alone with you?

lately i have been pushing the boundaries in my mind. thats where they move first ya know. in the mind before the world around thee.

I'm pushing out farther now that spring is here. its the green. its the tank tops and barefeet that are feeling sunshine again. i feel alive.
hibernation is behind me and i've slothed off the blankets and sleep and I feel awake and full of wildness.

everything mildly wild, outrageously wild, remotely adventurous has my attention right now. motorcycles and dancing naked running through my mind. ahhahahah alluring. ahhahah

i listen to the whisper. i turn my head when I catch fascinating out of the corner of my eye. this is HERE to move me. to take my hand and lead me farther into my destiny with MY life. my experiences.

there is nothing to be afraid of.
there is nothing to hold me back or limit me.
my wisdom runs deep.
i know myself
my discernment is keen
my wildness is untapped.


ahahha I am laughing now... thinking of the sign i made years ago.

"this is the wild woman's journey.
diving into my rich flowing core.
pursuing truth.
Finding more."

and the journey continues for me.
and i absolutely love it!!!

deadline or no deadline?

no deadline....

well the friends I am running with would love for me to commit to the half marathon that is coming up in a few weeks. it sounds so fun... but I really don't want to have a deadline.
when I committed to this i wanted it to be a practice that complimented my new way of "doing" things.
learning pace. going with the flow. learning how to get there without a deadline. i'll arrive when i arrive.
yeah. so i'm not signing up for this one. but i know that eventually i will be ready. and i will know i am ready.
i trust this process.

BUT i did hear that there is a 5k coming up in a short while and for the first time ever that sounds very very manageable! so i think i might do that. how cool will it be to get a number :)

Trusting the Process

I was drinking my morning coffee in the bathtub this morning... (morning bubble baths are so different than evening ones.. a whole different mood and thought process is followed) Anyway... it was morning sunshine and visions of how my day might unfold...
and I was noticing that as much as I am relaxing into this creative sabbatical in my life, as much as I am enjoying it and riding a wave that is effortlessly carrying me along.... I still have to focus on trusting the process.
I used to be more comfortable trusting hard work to get me somewhere. I was used to setting deadlines for myself and pushing myself to accomplish things more quickly.
Now I am teetering. Transitioning from one way of being into another way of being is not one distinct step in most cases. this has been a process of accepting more relaxation and pleasure into my life. this has been a process of observing myself riding the wave effortlessly and easily. there's an ocean of life under me.. and its moving me across miles of water while i am resting. while i am dreaming. while i am trusting.

again i am grateful

still running

I'm still running...
its been gentle lately, because my shins have been inflamed a bit and because its been raining straight through 7 days now. Its nature break for me. I've had few light jogs and I am amazed about the fact that the easy stuff for me now, used to be what felt almost impossible. that is awesome to experience. growth.

I got some awesome shoes. nike free shoes. taylor introduced me to them from his wish list. they have soles that bend and shape to your foot. its supposed to be as close to running barefoot as a shoe can mimic. its cool. it took awhile to get used to them, but now i wear them around the house and feel like a track star. hahah
its so fun to do new things in life.

my beach house collage

so, if you know me well... you know i am planning on getting a beach house someday. i made an awesome digital collage today with a bunch of my favorite pictures. here's the notebook.

dreams i am touching

warning : i am having a slight coffee buzz. i haven't had afternoon coffee in awhile and i just got a latte :)

ok... there is so much going on in my little world today. i am blissed out.
in case you don't know.... my winter hibernation has moved into a summer sabitical. a creative sabatical. I spent the last two months creating this digital vision board/brainstorming notebook on my computer that has been so much fun and now I am looking for a place for the summer that I can use to start building all this stuff! if you come across any opportunities let me know. (think garage with an ac unit.) a workshop. a place where i can paint signs, haul in couches, paint furniture, store tables... that kinda place. ideally I would like it to be sorta close, so i can pop in whenever. i am so excited. this is going to be where I can really create.

two other things... I think I have more money coming my way again ;) I feel it coming. so I'm pretty excited about that, because the last time it came in I was able to shift my schedule to what it is now, in order to make time for all this stuff i am creating... and this time I think its going to be just what I need to get my operating budget to the level I would like before moving into our new space. I knew it would be here for me as soon as the timing was right to move forward.

I keep seeing these amazing visions of whats just up ahead. these pictures are so real, so tangible, i feel like I am walking in a dream while awake. i almost don't know what is real and what is a vision. when this happens, I know my visions are beginning to collide with the energies that have been set in motion to create in reality. walking reality.

The Place of Gratitude

Once you move into the place of gratitude....that's when it all comes together. That is when we are really in the essence of creation.
It is in the place of complete expectation and belief that gratitude swirls around my being and everything falls in place.

I am in that place right now.
I have full knowing that all is well ... all is very very well. Miracles are happening as specks of dust move and swirl to orchestrate this new creation.
Its a remarkable, microscopic process that has the power to move boulders and align me with all the resources and opportunities needed.

I am grateful. I am in a swirl of happy blissful gratitude.

I got there...

Last night I went out to run and I felt like a ton of bricks. I went for awhile thinking eventually I was just going to break through the fog. It never really happened though and I decided to be kind to my body and let it walk. There was a storm brewing and I left the process for some sushi... a vegetarian sunshine roll that was delicious. I went home and went to sleep.
I think sometimes we just have to honor where are bodies are on a particular day. I went to the process. I was present and that seemed to be the most important part. I know I will run better next time because I kept the habit going. I got there....

Bliss while running

I have had several BLISSFUL moments while running.

always the music beating in my head. always my core moving my body forward. always the future on the screen in front of me. always the present moment wrapped around me like a sphere of bliss.

What to do after Hibernation ......Creative Sabbatical

We had a beautiful snowy day yesterday. It was wonderful. All this hibernating has been just fabulous. I have had so much time the past few months to rest. I have climbed under the covers with my dreaming machine. I have scribbled endless piles of notes. I have sorted and organized my visions into order. I have had countless cups of hot tea, and even more hot bubble baths near midnight. Its been great.

Its surely nearing an end though. The little jolts of spring like sunshine are becoming more common and that makes me feel like moving.

The big thought in all this.... I like this flow.
I reeeeaaaallllllly like this way of living. ahahhaha

I like not rushing. I like napping often. I like making my creative process very lucid and I really like all this alone time I am giving myself. I want more!

So.... I was thinking I might transition my hibernation into a sabbatical. I keep hearing that word in my head.
I called Sark yesterday and she said she was taking a creative sabbatical! great minds thinking alike ????... this is exactly what I am talking about here.

Consider me moving into Creative Sabbatical mode....
I imagine this will mean naps on blankets under the dreaming tree. spring breezes and bike rides spent pondering the details. maybe i'll take my pad and paper from the couch by the fire... to the firepit outside on a springy night.

this is good.

edit : since sitting with this idea for awhile, I have decided to rename this to my summer sabatical. i like the double Ss

Surge of Energy

That winter sky is still gray today....its still winter. but there is a surge in me.

energy is running through my veins again.
ahhh power.
It feels so good to feel the bright energy in my body.
its moving me

and leslie is creating again.

hibernation has been about absorbing and soaking up energy around me. thinking. dreaming. and its like bottling up energy.
well, the bottle top popped this morning and I am in CREATION mode.

i don't think its the big one... but a little surge to make me feel alive again.

they say snow is coming, but today winter hibernation has been jolted by this surge of energy.

good good day.

Emptying my Brain onto the Notebook

My brain is a very busy place to be. Something that delights me most of the time. But its a daily practice to decide and direct my thoughts in a way that serves me.
.... um walking meditation....

harness the power, direct the stream.

I have this awesome new system for organizing the vast amount of information that is coming through the channels of my brain right now.
Its overwhelming sometimes to try and direct this amount of traffic. I am learning though. And this virtual notebook is plucking the information from the cherry tree in my brain. sorting, sifting, organizing, and reorganizing.

hibernation weather came back again and i've naturally landed back in my dreamers corner to participate in this process.

I do feel longing to come out of this cave soon though.... so, sunshine, sunshine! come out soon and warm us all.

just thinking...

I woke up this morning with some strange dreams in my head...

I love how my dreams can show me where my thoughts are and where the emotions are strongest.

this morning I got the coffee cup and headed to the front porch to breath in the morning. my desk felt stale and lifeless and though its february and a little chilly out there, the fresh air gave me perspective. the world around me grew larger the moment I stepped out of my house and onto the observation deck... of my soul.

what holds me back when I would like to be moving?
what pushes me when I should be resting?
oddly enough these polar opposites sometimes paralize me and leave me stranded in the middle of my destiny.

I know the inside of my soul better than I know the habits of the life I have created around me. So, in many ways, this period of hibernation is about transforming, and giving discipline/ meditation to the thoughts that create my habits of living.

**
I am really grateful for this time of rest in my life. I carved away this opportunity and I thank myself over and over again! ahhhaha
note to self: do this again.
Resting and concentration are habits worth developing.

Its a Time of Preparation....

Right now is very much a time of preparation for me. I have been in this beautiful house on Woodland Street for 3 years now... and it has been an amazing journey of self evolution. I have been refining my beliefs.... especially beliefs about self and my relation to others. wow. such growth.

The path has been as imagined but...
the interesting thing about life in the moment... the winding and circling parts are where the really really juicy stuff is born.

I have found this little staircase on the journey. almost a detour up, but more like an off road adventure into my soul. its a resting space. a dancing space. a hideaway above all expectations. a place where new habits and new degrees of self love are being cultivated.

this is where i have been going while hibernating this winter.
and I am beginning to think I might stay here awhile.
this is a time of preparation.
this is a time that is changing me.
refining me.
a greater purity of motivation is being uncovered.
It is going to make the next step of CREATION more satisfying to me.
Its a time of preparation... I'm sensing our new space on the horizon. The Divine Playhouse is so alive, but needs a new front door. And I am really enjoying this time I am taking to sort through all the planning notes and just sit with all the information in my heart and mind.
I am so very fascinated to see what will unfold next.

creating new layouts

I have been lost in a dream world all day... sitting at the little station in my studio that I like to call "media publishing central" ....ok, a little overboard, but in my mind this is where any and all media I am creating gets organzied and put together.

I have been playing ... organizing playhouse notes, and creating layouts on my big screen.... and that is my work. life is sweeeet!

Today I am Inspired by this Collaboration

I have been inspired by this collaborative project. I listened and I connected with a greater hope for our society... not just a new president who will lead our country with greatness... but a society that will lead Collectively. Yes we Can.

Right now...

Right Now I am organizing ten thousand tiny pieces of paper.

Its my brain on notes/snippets.

and actually... I'm having a blast. ahhaha

Hibernating... what its all about today

SO its winter in Nashville... today its 66 degrees and I am barefoot on the front porch. winter hibernating hasn't been all fireside with hot chocolate so far. nice huh? unexpected and so nice.

But I am still hibernating. I'm laying low, and making few plans if any. well at least not on my calendar.

If you want to find me you should look for one of my lazy spots. I'm doodling in my notebook, sipping tea and capacinos at the coffee shop, and reading.
its serious discipline for me... staying focused on this unfamiliar process is requiring a new level of living-meditation.

but i tell ya, i'm getting clear and thats the most important part of getting what you want from life.

pace

I am already amazed at how much training for the 1/2 marathon is teaching me about all aspects of my life.
I am re-remembering how much pace plays into endurance. and endurance requires resting points.
I have always been quite capable at enduring. moving forward for very very long periods of time with little rest. but looking back, maybe I was tired at times and didn't allow myself to rest. maybe I pushed too hard.

now I am learning how to move forward in an even better way. in a way that allows a more enjoyable balance for relaxation and rest.
I'm learning my personal pace. my personal pace allows more ENJOYMENT in moving forward.

Pace.

the flow line...(instead of *time*line)

something new in my life is the idea of my ***flow line*****

time line ---- converts to a ----- FLOW LINE

you like that don't you??? :)

Things move around so easily on this FLOW LINE

What are the Steps from here to there…
and can you skip over some because you are in the flow?
maybe its even easier.
don’t hold too tight to the timeline in your head!

What if you don't wait so long to move forward… what if you stop putting the brakes on ?
you have this new way of thinking that is causing you to re-examine how you do everything… but you can ride on the flow and move forward with EASE and ENJOYMENT…
that’s what this new experience is all about!

ok...I'm going to train

After emailing and talking with people who have trained before... I have decided I am going to train for a 1/2 Marathon! yeah.

Here's the really big addition though... no time stamp. no time line. no dates.

just like my preparation for our new Divine Playhouse space... just like I am doing with just about every other project in my life... there is no projected TIME that this has to be completed. i'm in this for the PROCESS. the ENJOYMENT. the EXPERIENCE.
no expectations. no pushing, shoving, or foul behavior. this is going to be another change to practice this concept of JOURNEY for the experience of the PLEASURE.

I'll run a 1/2 marathon whenever I am ready.

ok. I'm excited about this. my body feels eager to participate.

1/2 Marathon ???

I've always wanted to run in a race. Not to win a race, just to be in the crowd of running people... moving forward as a whole mass. And I like the path forward. I like the training. I like the attention to the body.

So Chrissy wants to train for a 1/2 marathon. At first I said "no way" I am all about relaxing and hibernating right now. right??

well... I also feel like I am looking to get more connected to my physical body. get out of my mind and my spirit a little more often and get connected to the physical body I am living in. I'm also good with goals. good with moving forward with purpose.

so, maybe.
yeah.

Happy New Year!! 2008

2008 has started out just as I intended. There is a very important shift going on in my life right now. I am changing the way I live my life, in many ways, because the motivations behind what I do have shifted...

Its a "one year" and we are beginning a whole new decade of life. For me 2007 was the end of my 20s and damn, I was glad of that. The 20s for me were about DRIVE and DETERMINATION. I was on a fast track of marking things off my life-TO-DO list. (very different kinda things than my life list) I pushed and shoved and rushed my life along very much of the time during my 20s. There was so very much to do to MAKE things HAPPEN.

Now we are in a new decade... and I am living for the moment, diving into the pleasures of life, and leaving deadlines behind. Ahhh feels free.

I am excited about how this is going to shift the way I create the path to the new Divine Playhouse space. I believe its going to be much more enjoyable to me...

I look forward to writing about this process as it evolves and unfolds here in the new year of 2008.

Happy New Year Universe. Its going to be a goooooood life!