love my file folders

I have been reading books like crazy lately and working on so many projects. I am scribbling note on every scrap of paper. This picture makes me happy.

evening tea

I'm enjoying the first day of May with a cup of yogi tea (a new one I just got at the grocery) and a lazy sprawl on the couch with a stack of books and my pen and paper. I'm listening to the dryer hum as the last load of laundry finishes up. This is *pure pleasure* in simple form... A great way to spend a Sunday evening.

What I'm up to Now ~ Intentions for Spring & Summer 2011

I've come full circle again.

This time last year, spring was arriving just like it is now - winter hibernation was ending and I was stepping out into sunshine days with fresh green leaves budding on the trees. New years resolutions were in full gear and I was turning the gears on all my plans for what I would do for the first year after the move out of the woodland street house. I had lots of plans!

And THEN ---- the flood waters came rushing in to turn life upside down and floating. The whole year was shifted from that point.

In so many ways, I feel 2010 just went off the timeline.
A wrinkle in time.

Here I am doing what I was going to be doing last year this time. So very interesting!

I trust the process of life & I trust the Universe, God. Everything is happening in DIVINE TIME.

Break at the Park

I took a break today to go to the park and read a book from my card. Its chilly outside but the green leaves make me so happy.

Flying FREE

I have spent a lot of time in the last few years exploring the landscape of Inner FREEDOM.
This ring was given to me by a client at the end of a few weeks working together. It made my day. This little bird symbolizes the FREEDOM to FLY.

Another Great Day

loving the new set up. lots of room for the yoga mat

another desk! of course, it has wheels.
I made this one with doors again, but a little bit different method. I love making these desks and work benches out of old doors.

Sydney & I contemplate life

Winter sky. Dog Love. All is Well.

Winter Walk at the Park

Winter Coloring

Coloring is wonderful hibernation play!

What I'm Up to Now ~ Intentions for Fall & Winter 2010

I'm thinking about the transition from summer 2010 to fall 2010.  We are moving in to the last two seasons of this year.... 

What a journey its been this spring and summer. fixing up the Ramsey property, the flood, bouncing around from one little summer project to the next. time has been flying by !

Now I am thinking about moving from summer into the seasons of fall and winter. the colder, stay inside times of year.

Now that things are settling a little bit after lots of transition... I want to ENJOY it all before moving again.

I have decided to have claim this fall & winter for creating and playing in my Artist Retreat House. I am going to practice living a more creative life ~ dig into all those paint supplies. use them up!
sew, practice yoga, dance, and write.

I also want to spend time in my new office. It really hasn't been set up that long, and I really want to enjoy working in there this fall and winter. I have a new *Invitation* platform and I want to develop that this year during the season of hibernation. I also want to host a few programs. Maybe a series or two?!? Set up a few Private Retreats?

And while hibernating, this winter, I am going to dream and plan for moving in the spring. Search for more potential rental houses, and retreat houses, and commercial buildings. I am knowing that new phases and transitions are just ahead.
I have many dreams for the next ten years, and that will likely mean a series of transitions from one stepping stone to the next.

But for Right Now... I've got some wonderful opportunities and I want to soak it all up and enjoy this time for what it is. Stay in the present moment and enjoy my life! Cause its all about getting ~ Pure Pleasure ~ from the Present Moment!

Afternoon planning session - bliss!

What a beautiful day.   I have had the windows open and the music going through the house.  I am so grateful. 

Happy Birthday to Me - More PURE PLEASURE

I am grateful for my life.   I am grateful for growing up a little more everyday.
I am grateful for the years that are building up my life.
Each year piled up on top of the other is another set of days where I have experienced life.
life here on planet earth. 
with beautiful people
for beautiful me.
and copious opportunities for experiencing and enjoying.

For me, the bliss comes from the PURE PLEASURE of maturing and evolving at the deepest levels of my soul.  And from that place of sometimes complicated and crucial transformations,  I tap in to every delicious little experiencing of living.
the taste of chocolate on my lips, hot apple cider, wind of every season blowing on my cheeks.
sunshine.  rain.  exchanging the energy of love in every possible way
fresh seasons... new leaves, golden leaves, barren trees, and hope of cycles that are always repeating.
holding hands.  holding hearts.  breathing deeply the air that surrounds me.
seeing your eyes.  seeing your soul.  knowing you and me deeply through each experience of living.
laughing.  talking.  drinking icy margaritas.
dancing.  smiling. filling up glasses of wine. sharing our stories and our spirits playing together.
waking up each day eager to work.  to create.  to dream. to build.
to create my life.
to live a life i LOVE living
inspiring others that it is possible for all of us.
untangling the twisted details. unraveling my soul and uncovering the complexities of our souls woven patterns of relating.
self discovery and life discovery.
the pleasures of living in this body. in this world. in this lifetime.

Here's to another year!

I am grateful for every previous year & so excited about everything that is still available to me as I live each new present moment.

Solo Road Trip - Coffee Shop Hop - Mobile Office

I have been thinking all summer about taking SOLO ROADTRIPS!
I remember days when I was *single* and flying solo in my adventures.

freedom.  room to breathe.   empty head space.  my favorite music in the car.   following butterflies and no plans.

I decided to head off this week for a mini solo roadtrip.   and the easiest one is up highway 65 to louisville.   I decided to make it a "coffee shop hop"  meets "eat pray love"  (the movie just came out and its on my brain)
each day I settled into a coffee shop to work.   I ordered a specialty coffee drink and spread my mobile office out on a cafe table.


first stop:  Heine Brothers

I had a pumpkin spice latte with cinnamon on top.
the weather is cool here in louisville, so it all feels so ~ autumn ~

Good Good Morning

I have had my touchscreen laptop for almost a year now... and I am still in love with this computer.
Morning coffee at this desk is a treat.
This set up gives me a huge screen, the great docking station where I can still use the touch screen.
and most importantly... plenty of room to spread out all my little notes and snip its.
its a Good, Good Morning

writing without words

well, i find my self far far away from the days i woke with words dancing in my head.

i think that might be because i spend so much time *relating*
the more i relate with people, the more i have to use W O R D S to communicate.
damn those pesky, illusive, not quite specific enough SPOKEN words. its a challenge to pick them, repeat them, and volley them back and forth with people in efforts to understand each other.

i do remember a time when i was alone enough to bounce the words around in my head instead of with other people. i wrote poems in my head while waking. i scribbled messages to the universe on little scraps of paper with one hand, while i simultaneously typed up journals and letters on my computer.
for this reason I have often thought i was a writer of some sort, and i have always assumed i would eventually write a book.

thousands of new opportunities just opened up before me

Life feels like a wide open canvas of opportunity right now!
I have lightened my load.  I am a mobile individual right now with nothing tying me down.
I can go ANY direction from here.  

Excited to be painting the basement!!

This week I am feeling thankful for the flood.
It kicked my butt in gear on so many things.
Having to move every from the basement meant.... well, an EMPTY basement!

and what better time to clean it, paint it, redo the floors, and turn it into a whole new space.

I have decided to start using it for OPEN HOUSE.
I'm going to start inviting people over to play and hang out.

alone but not lonely

tonight i am alone with my purple blanket *((the healing blanket))* i call it... cause it has wrapped me in healing energy time and time again. this blanket has wiped my tears and keep my toes warm while i read books or meditated. draped across my tummy on summer nights when the fan was blowing cool and i wanted a cover, but not much cover... just a thin layer of protection under the dark sky.

tonight i sit with the purple blanket draped along the back of my chair as i write.
i've been painting alone tonight. watching the candle flicker and sipping pink lemonade.

tonight i am alone.... but not lonely.

long hair again

I have decided this week that I am ready to grow my hair out long again. from now until the end of summer.....
I have cut it many times in the last two years. 2 inches here. another 4 inches. it has gotten shorter and shorter. without getting realllllly short.
i have done that before... the drastic cut. the shedding of old all at once. it can be freeing, but i was not going for that extreme.

anyway... my hair... ahhh my hair has always been so personal to me.
curls... i always had so many curls. i was always working with the wavy hair and curling it even more.
i couldn't figure out how to get straight hair. smooth straight.
then i finally figured out the technique!! and have worn my hair straight and styled for the last two years. mission accomplished.

well.... i'm back around. feeling the desire for letting it just go wild. let it grow. let it grow long and blanket like, around me. let it be wavey. just wanna let it be. let spring come. let summer come. let me just be.

and in the future....
well... i'm still wanting to shave it someday.
it will be a monumental day. but i'm not ready yet. not yet.
:)

love to the hair. love to the lovely play that is my hair

A *Resting Space* on my way....

I have been wanting to create an ARTIST RETREAT HOUSE for myself for quite a while.
I work well when I am alone.  I like to *~retreat~* hide away * think to myself.

The house on Ramsey Street is going to be a great mutlifaceted property/project.  
Its also going to be a RESTING SPACE for me on my way ....

I woke to an Indigo Sunrise

This morning I woke very early. My body was well rested and I felt like sneeking out of bed early to have coffee alone on the couch.

I sat by the window and looked out at the winter trees outlined against the nearly new morning.
I prayed. I meditated. I journalled and I got lost for awhile. When I looked up... the sky was indigo.
over and over in my mind i repeated. *** I woke to an indigo sky *** I woke to an indigo sky *** I am so grateful I woke to see this indigo sky.

Full Circle

I realized today that I have come full circle.
I have worked my way back to where I started.... I've traveled all the way around the circle of this experience

Its time to leave the Woodland Street house and into another season of my life.


this revelation puts so much in perspective. i see the horizon before me and i am excited about whats next!

twirling in the middle of all the details

the chair in my office is on wheels and rollers...spins around in circles and rolls around the studio to each little station i have set up.
reminds me of the way i mentally navigate between all the details of focus in my life.

i continue to turn round and around in an expanding circle of life. moving out to greet each new experience of focus.

i have been thinking lately about how life feels to me like a magical mountain journey. with a path that circles round and round and higher and higher.... the path leads me in circles of *cycle* the seasons change in cycles, my path travels in cycles, my days move in cycles....
and yet my cycles lift higher and higher.
my understanding changes as the perspective changes.
i come around the mountain and see the same scene as i did back farther on the path... but the view is different from here.



this is the evolution of me.
this is the expansion of my being.
feels good.

i come back around to some of the same life issues, same challenges... but practice brings mastery. and i find that my ability to navigate the extremes of life is fine tuned over time.

i like how i can see the natural progression.
it all feels easier as time goes by
i practice the empowerment of directing my life
this is the creation of not only a dream... but of a person
i am creating life
my life.

and no matter where i am. no matter what i am doing.
in the center of the circle of twirling details... me.

i'm on my way to a new space.
but the center of that space is me again. everywhere i go ...there i am.
so i'm excited that i am taking a constantly expanding version of self with me



and i am grateful for the time of conscious evolving that has been allowed in my life while i have lived, worked, and played here at the woodland street house

Summer Stillness

If I look at my calendar the year looks a little empty...
but within my ~experience of life~ there has been fullness overflowing.

what a year it has been!
there is a smooth stream of energy pouring into my life... and i am letting it move through me... and wash me in freshness.

life keeps changing in subtle ways that add up to big shifts within the very core of me.
i am grateful.
this is a season of stillness and reflection. and i am right where i am supposed to be.

i am enjoying another summer in this beautiful house on woodland street.
savoring the moments.
there is nothing to DO on the house anymore. its done. and with a .For Sale. sign in the front yard there are no big home improvement projects going on. hahaha isn't that fun. i'm just enjoying the place. watering the flowers on my front porch. changing the messages on the chalkboard. sipping coffee on the daybed in the morning. watching neighbors wave to me in the evening while they slip into maddonnas next door. surely my spirit planned this! ahahha
a summer to just enjoy and be still here.
this has been MY retreat house ya know.
more than anything it has been a place for me to retreat and grow. evolve. muse. enjoy. create.
and to share it with anyone that walked in the door.

I have also been out of the house a lot. the part of me that has moved on...
when i am here i am enjoying the space... but i am often itchy to get out and go elsewhere. expereince the next thing. and i find myself heading out and moving in new directions.

i drive down streets and see the new visions in my windowshield.
it all feels ok. it feels really ok.

and i know that life runs in cycles. this season will transition into another... and i will travel along the wheel of life.
i like it.

Big Burn Releasing Ceremony

So ..... I have been hauling around these boxes of life mementos for about 14 years.
Little keepsakes and memory items. I have drug them from one basement, attic, or storage room to the next.

Well.... its a digital age and 1000s of pictures fit on a tiny zip drive.

So, why am I hauling these every boxes everywhere I go.
Today I am spreading it all out across the floor... sipping tea an sifting through it all for one last time.
I am taking pictures of everything, and will keep a small suitcase of items that are really special to me.
things I can feel, touch, smell, and hold in the future when I look back....
but the rest is going to be released lovingly in a big bonfire tonight.
a beautiful release ceremony.
It feels so good to lighten the load.

*Big Thanks to Ashley for letting me use her zen house for the day!  what a magical, special place!  

Evolution of Life.....

I'm not done living...
I'm going to keep creating new experiences of living...

and then again.
I'm going to create again.

This blog has been a journal of my journey.
... and the journey keeps on going.

there is a common thread running thru the whole story. but the details change.
the story moves along.
new experiences.
new people.
new ways of understanding life.
and that is all ok

this is an evolution of life.

Life has been busy lately

Life has been very busy lately. good busy. bringing things together busy.

I am excited to have the house up for sale. There is unlimited possibility in front of me right now... and though I do not know many details for how everything is going to unfold..... I do know that I can feel the essence and it feels nearly tangible.

So. I focus on the "what" and "why" and leave the "when, where, who, and how" up to the powers that are greater than me. All will unfold for my highest good, and those around me.

I know that I can create anything I can imagine... with divine time and lots of imagination.

I have been taking care of details, and that feels good. getting some things done and wrapped up that have been sitting around waiting for my attention.

And I am also more fully diving in to create some new things. Its all written down. All organized and prepped to unfold... and now I am just playing with the details. have fun.

Its a time of focus.... but I am learning how to keep that fun rolling along beside me. I'm learning more and more about balance. Starting to really figure some things out that I have been grappling with for years.

so i am grateful.
and i love this moment, but feel so excited about whats next.

1311 Woodland Street is for Sale!

The last few days I have been getting emails and phone calls from friends who are a bit concerned that they have seen a for sale sign in the front yard.

All is well friends!!

Nearly four amazing years have been lived in this beautiful house and I’m only shaking things up a bit and taking some of my dreams to the next level. I’ll still be here in east nashville. and will be taking all the celebrating, parties, retreats and activities to a new space. In fact i’m looking for a space for The Divine Playhouse to expand. good good stuff is unfolding! i’m merely rearranging everything so I can more fully flow into this next phase.
so please…. wish me well, and imagine this smooth and easy transition with me. i know everything is coming together with divine timing. its fun watching all the details fall in place to pave the way.

Tonight… Feb 21st I am having an *Open House Porch Party* from 5-8

I will be lighting fires in the fireplaces and popping open a few bottles of wine. since i have heard news of snowflakes tonight, i’ll also have hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast in the fire.

I am intending to connect with someone who is ready to move in and enjoy this fabulous property. If you are that person, or know someone who would like to live here… I invite you pass this info along.

Tonight the whole house will be open for CELEBRATING! I will be celebrating the wonderful times I have had in this house. Celebrating the bright future unfolding… and I will be blessing the house with happiness for those who will be here in the years ahead. I will also set up a *Community Collaboration Art Project* in the main room.

I'll have the upstairs open also… so if you have ever wanted to come walk around in this house…. now is the time!
And here are pictures if you would like to take a peek now….

http://www.kastlekey.com/woodlandstreet

singing in the morning

I know that my heart is wide open and free.... flowin love, when i find myself singing in the morning sunshine.

ahhh its a beautiful morning and every bit of life seems to be swirling around me in this one sacred moment.

i am eternally grateful.

there has been so much exploration and experiencing of death in my life the last few weeks with the death of my grandmother and of my sweet kitty mojo. and several people i know have also been experiencing the death of loved ones... mothers, sisters, friends, cats... and my heart is bursting with love and compassion for the experiences. i have walked through the valley of death. i have cried tears and felt the illusion of despair. i have felt the fear. and i have walked up the other side of the hill into the morning sunlight.
i have stepped back into the healing power of the morning.

today i am so fully alive.
walking through the contrast... walking through the pain has made the life so much sweeter to live.

this morning i am singing. i am writing. drawing. drinking my morning coffee and enjoying the sweet rubs and purrs from the cat that has stayed. i am dreaming. and i am feeling the connection to the whole great cosmos. i feel the web of life.
i feel the woven threads, interconnecting us all with the energy of life. and i am so grateful.

this is life.
and i am singing.

Ceremoniously Putting the Sign in the Yard!

Tonight we put the sign in the yard!!
we kinda made a big deal about it.

Ready for new adventures.

Time to divide this property into several new places.
Taylor is ready for a simpler place. I am ready to get a commercial building where my business can unfold.
I am also ready to have my very own Artist Retreat House to hide away when I want alone time, and time to work on creative projects.

So many visions for what's next.

Exciting times ahead. Change and Transformation in the air!

A New Phase of Life - Life Upgrade!

Lots going on these days. The house is ready to go on the market....I'm dreaming and making plans for the next phase of life.

I have these reminders on my desk. Allow it to be Effortless.

and.... Break the rules!
do things differently than you have been told they have to be done.live your authentic life. live it from your heart and soul

do you see what is in the bowl. broken crayons. i know.... a little crazy... but one day I felt like breaking the crayons in half. i heard this voice in my head saying, "but you are not supposed to do that!!" and i thought "why not!?"
I had so much fun cracking those crayons in half! I literally laughed out loud.Breaking the crayons was absolutely liberating. And now I can use them in a whole new way... gripped in my palm, pressing down hard on the paper so that the colors are intense and vibrant. it breaks crayons to color with intensity. have you ever noticed that?if you press hard they break. so its no big deal that they are already broken and ready to color outside the lines!

finding pieces of the past...

Today I am going through every snip it of paper in my office. for years i have been hauling these folders, boxes, and drawers of papers with me.... and today i decided to sit down and read them, sort them, leave some of them behind, and find new truths today based on messages i left myself in the past.

wow. there are so many messages from the past.... speaking to me today.

every vision i ever had. if it pulsed with any degree of power... has been manifest.
every dream i reached for with passion and longing, even if was seemingly so far from reach.... has come to me on the path. or is still coming to me.

its amazing. and reminds me to keep believing. keep dreaming. keep KNOWING that it is all on the way.

stretching boundaries.
expanding
living within my greatest dreams. this is my life.
this will continue to be my life. no beginning and no end. it just keeps going on and on.

everything is on the way....

everything i desire for next, is on the way.

i can just feel it.
i know its there for me.
just waiting for me to step in and experience it all.


Its time to put the Woodland Street House on the market and move on to new projects. 

cleaning house

i have been wiping out every corner of the house. clearing out all remaining clutter from my life. fully aligning with the present moment ....

its so much easier to live life from the present moment.
less to carry around. less to keep up with.
much more satisfaction. now.

i like it *now*

i can go anywhere from this moment.
i can create anything with what i have right now.
and i will.

self love

Its been a wild ride lately. many things are shifting around in my physical life to catch up with where i am in my heart and soul. its a re-alignment of my whole being.

i am getting many opportunities to practice applying my higher ideals to the nitty gritty of living out daily life. i am learning. i am growing. i am stretching beyond my previous limits. and i am resting.... yes, sometimes i am just resting. letting everything sink in.

i am grateful that i am starting to understand the process of raising myself higher within a much shorter period of time. allowing emotions. allowing experiences. moving through my life with more ease. more acceptance of each present moment.... but still, still a great capacity for reaching higher and often that has meant reaching for the future... but now its starting to mean reaching higher in the present moment.
this is all new to me.
but i am finding that i get "better" now.

wow. thats an intense possibility for living. instant gratification. and thats what i am getting. with love guiding. love based gratification. harm to none. better now. now.


i woke a little heavy this morning. i was tackling a few inner demons last night. but it was easy and effortless for me to release the pain. release the fears. release all that was holding me back from living.

i have nothing to prove. only love to live. only pure pleasure to take out to the world. pure and beautiful love and joy for living. and where does it all start. with me. with my own love for my own self.

i am always starting right here in my own little world of self-existence.
i am glad for this learning. grateful for the practice. self love.

Its a most amazing moment

Right this moment I feel like I am in heaven....
Everything around me is absolutely divine and brimming over with beauty.

there is peaceful stillness in the air this morning...
windows open wide on a december morning... winds coming in and encouraging me. winds of change. gentle, easy winds of change
kissing me gently on the cheeks and whispering to me that everything is going to be ok.
really ok.
better than ever ok.
life is unfolding. winds are blowing. everything new is waiting for me.

and i am following the goodness.
stepping through fields of satisfaction... going towards more satisfaction.
its all right here for me
now.

I love my life.
I love that these moments come to me over and over.
no matter where i go.
no matter what material possessions are around me
the essence of this moment follows me.

its not about what i own
not about what i do
this love wraps around me every where i go.

I know there are big changes ahead and I am stepping into the moment with true belief that all is well and even more satisfaction waits for me.

Purrfect Love

The Kitties sit with me in the morning while I journal and meditate.
They look out the ~~~ window to the world~~~ with me.
and we imagine beautiful things together.

I love these pictures.
what happy little creatures of love!




They are happy to roll around at my feet and purrrrr.



They have purrrfect ideas about how to sell this house and move on to the next phase.
Good things are unfolding!

Preparing

I am hiding in my house right now. I am preparing many things for the big move coming up....
Its exciting times and I am overflowing with the energy of love and gratitude.

I am busy creating new things in fireworks. I'm sitting in my office by the fireplace. Its warm and toasty and I am enjoying this time of creating. I just had a cup of hot chocolate. I'm listening to good music. Everything around here is just buzzing with the energy of whats going on.

Good good stuff is unfolding.
I believe it is going to be an amazing journey as we step into this new experience...

Energy Into the Move

I have made an energy circle with intentions and visions for the move!

This is an exciting process.

I am so eager to see future dreams unfold !!

I have soaked up every sweet moment in this house.
Now its time to ~ DIVIDE~ this house into many other projects!

I am seeing
- Commercial Property for The Divine Playhouse
- retreat houses / rental houses
- my *own *office/studio artist reatreat house ~~~~ This is my favorite next dream!

So many dreams! I am ready to let this house go, so that I can create with the *Dream Seeds* that have been sown here... now multiplied into new seeds.

I believe that every detail is already worked out. I just feel the energy of that transition in my heart and I am there.
Beautiful.

Now I'm Moving !! ~*~*~*~*~*~ !

Its been a wild mini hibernation!
who thought so much wildness could bellow out of the cave of hiding.

I am very excited about what is evolving right before my eyes.
Reality is overflowing from my soul and into my life...


I am grateful! I am very grateful!
everything is really moving now... i think the earth is shaking below me.
foundations are shifting and new worlds are being birthed around me.

life is beautiful. life is so very beautiful.

rolling along...living life

Its been such a wonderful, FULL year! It's the beginning of the last month of the year and I am remembering where I was last year this time. I had just entered a deep hibernation. I went into my cave and sat with my soul. It was time of letting go of deadlines, expectations, and other annoying habits of living. And here I am one year later.... ahhhhh enjoying new freedoms!

Last year this time I stared living life by
my *FLOW LINE*

ah! I am really enjoying this new way of living. Its the "flow line" (as oppossed to the -deadline-)
The wintery weather has brought me back inside to my office more. I have been working on many projects the last few days. And honestly I originally thought that a lot of these projects would be launched already... but .... you see... all year long I have wandered along my little path enjoying myself. So instead of JUST doing the projects, I have also really and truly LIVED LIFE! and it doesn't matter that I am just now getting to some of these things...because I have all the time in the world. And I am living a FULL life every step of the way.
and really, is there anything better than that?!?!?

I'm living and enjoying life!
I'm playing!
I'm laughing.
I'm napping.
I'm having lunch on the porch.
making love in the afternoon.
dancing in the morning
painting at midnight.
listening and sharing with friends.
breathing deeply
hearing God whisper in my ears.
seeing the Universe dance before my eyes.
feeling Source Energy tickle my toes
Watching LIFE unfold before like visions that have come to manifestation.

and this is what I want more than anything
and this is what all the projects of creation point me towards...
so i am just living my way all the way...

mini- hibernation

about this time last year i went into hibernation... deep hibernation. curl up under covers for days and read and dream, kinda hibernation.

once again, the sun is falling to sleep much earlier in the day and the moon is telling me to go inside.
its time to pull out the covers again and sink into my soul.

i have some projects in gear. i'm ready to relax and i'm ready to concentrate.
i don't think its going to be the same as last year... more like a mini-hibernation.
i'm ready

expansion

expansion
breath out
bounds down

roll out
expand over the span of time

this is where i live my life
expanding beyond my body
beyond my limitations
into my expression
under my breath
there is life coming in

sometimes its slow
this pace is mine
sometimes i unfold quickly
like an accordion book falls open on the table
ready to read

there is no such thing as secret
everything is living out in my soul
and everything about me is open
and unfolding
expression of self
into the world i live in
in sweet gentle time


expansion takes its own right time
winds of change have to blow thru and clear the path ahead
so that we can walk smoothly
confidently
into our expanded self

i like that.
i like taking my time now
its new to me
to savor all the present moments with out rushing ahead

and i like how i allow myself to expand with ease
natural like breathing
fluid like water
flowing like rivers
growing like vines up the trellis

all these physical expressions
are visible with time
and expanding in my life
one breath at a time

cruising...

so i'm cruising now...

Its been an eventful, soulful summer.
I have traveled many back roads and many side streets. and every moment was worth while.

There is a new clarity in my being and I am so grateful I have taken this time for Creative Sabatical. Its not quite over, but I have definitely felt a shift. Theres a little more work to be done now. and I am ready for the process...

my identity

I laugh at my own identity quite often. who am I ?!?

I am a core center with many outlying extremes.

I have been traveling my extremes this summer ... mostly on the insdie.
its a summer time thing i think. body alive. body opening up. sucking in more air. running harder and faster in the sun.

one of things i like to do is lay down in the sunshine and dream about possibilities. and warmer weather makes me feel free and naked, and i am back in that place of imagining...

who am i?
what can i be? trying on different degrees of existence.
sometimes i feel soft. flowing river. sometimes i feel edgy. stronger. sometimes i feel ready to fight.
sometimes i am quiet. i can laugh so loud too. i can be sentimental and full of love.
and sometimes i feel like i can barely scrape the scabs off my wounded existence to get to the healed and whole essence of who i really am

its not the long hair
the color of my face after running
its not even the way i have to shave my legs every single day or go itchy crazy
its not my office with all its trinkets and colorful things
or my closet that is almost always messy.
not my fingernails which go from long and painted red to short with dirt under the edges from paint or pulling weeds from my garden
its really not any of these things
its not all the things i want to try on still
its not the super short hair, red again and curly
not the homemade skirts with a thousand pockets
its not the motorcycle i want but have never driven
its not the paintings i have never painted
its not the candles i have never lit


its my core
and the core of you that overlaps in me
every one of you
overlapping into me
and making me delighted
puzzled pieces changing places and rearranging our pictures


each moment i accept a new version of me
the one that gushes up to the surface
and i kiss it

i try to embrace it but it disappears
each moment that i discover another side of me
ready to explore

and i try to let go of any expectations to be anything but who i want to be in this very moment
and that is probably my greatest challenge
to just be who i want me to be
but i am
sloathing off all the outside influences
and letting my breath create
each next moment
each expression
of my
identity

You have to feel it...

Dreams are little visions that parade across the mind's eye.
tiny pictures which point arrows towards the paths i can take on this journey.
When I get attached to a certain vision... then I start to remember it over and over.

giving the options of unfolding a little more grace in my mind...
working out the kinks, playing with the options.

but sometimes the vision starts to fade
the details get hazy and the purpose of the dream is no longer alive

this is when its time to pause a moment

you have to feel it
and today thats what I am doing... i'm trying to connect with the emotions that make up all my dreams.
what is it that we really long for?
what is it that we are reaching out to experience????

because its not in any THING
its not in any PERSON
its in me already.
and i just have to FEEL it.
remember it.
wrap it around me


you realllly have to feel it in your body. in your being.
in your frame of mind.

otherwise its just a motion. repetition. boredom. lifeless attention to detail.

and thats not where you feel alive.


....
lately i have noticed that distractions are everywhere around me
soaking up my attention and leading me away from my visions
but thats ok.
thats summer .... and i like summer for this reason.

but today i am feeeeeeling all my dreams and reconnecting to what i want for my life.

breaking all my crayons .......

.............. the last two weeks i have been down in the basement of my soul.... cleaning out all kinds of boxes. boxes stuff full of papers i never even read before.

and you know those back corners of the closet.... behind the boxes of shoes, behind the rod of clothes... the place where you find safey pins and lost bras. yeah.... i went there too. found all kinds of lost pieces of time.... places in my memory that were lost when the moon went down.

dragging it up and airing it out. washing and hanging it out in the sunshine on the line.....

and now.
now.

i know myself better than before.
i know pieces of my life that can only be looked at in retrospect, with
magnifying 3-d glasses.

and now.
umm.... i am so amused.
so crazy happy
that i am listening to the music as loud as the speakers will let me
and coloring with my permanent markers..... all outside the lines you know.
messy
breaking all the rules
and breaking crayons in half ... twice.

i'm going crazy happy.
now.

sitting on top of the world, feet dangling over the edge. and from up here it all makes perfect sense.

now i'm rollin

I've gotten a good groove going. I finally got focused enough to really dive head over heels into some creative projects and I am just now coming up for air.

I think I'll sit here on the side of the project pool for a few minutes and dry off...
hahah

But. not long. I wanna dive back in and keep with this flow.
I really feel like the next phase of this creative sabatical is starting to gel in my mind and in my visions ... so.... whats that mean? it means it will start being a part of my hands on reality soon.
I see it, I think it, then I make it.

I want a really good run. then a good book. then a good nights sleep. tomorrow is gonna be a day for diving in again. my computer is humming. ahhaha

(ps. nerdy spreadsheets are dancing in my head. ) LOL

summer sabatical updates...

well....
so here I am.
quite a few weeks into my official summer creative sabbatical.

i have organized. i have painted my office. i have sorted through information. i have jotted down many notes. i have been moving at an easy pace. i have been building in bike rides, hikes, poolside book reading and coffee shop walks........

its just what its supposed to be and I am very grateful.

but i want to also acknowledge and talk about the underlying tendency to buck against this process and just go back to my old way of doing things. its a challenge to trust this process and keep believing in this way of easy-ness.

I had a chance, then two, then three chances to lease a building last year for The Divine Playhouse. I walked away from each...
why?
Because I have a wise heart beating in my chest and it is beating out a new rhythm for me. It is pumping life through my body in a new direction.....
I am here to breathe in this new experience before moving forward. I have carved away this time to create REST in my life. A PAUSE POINT. a moment of reflection.

I am giving myself the time to create with no expectation. no time line. no audience.
I am giving myself time to think.

The struggle the last 24 hours is what to "do" to step into a creation mode.
I know a lot about this hesitation before the SURGE of power that becomes CREATION.
what I do not know a lot about is how to handle my irritation with this moment. this irritation with myself for not being able to do it more smoothly.

so I waver in procrastination and fumbling.
i scoot things about. i make excessive messes. i clean them up.
and then finally i dive in.
i sit.
i stand.
i sit again.
until finally i am able to quiet the chatter of life and step into the moment of bliss.
the moment of CREATION

so maybe its a CREATION SABATICAL....

synthesize

Synthesize - this word means to put something together, to make something out of different parts. If you stitched a quilt together from different scraps of cloth, or built a car out of parts from a junkyard, you would be synthesizing. In chemistry, synthesizing means putting together new molecules. The act of synthesizing is called synthesis.

Even though we often use the word "synthetic" to describe human-made materials, synthesis also happens in nature. When the body makes molecules of DNA or proteins, we say the body is synthesizing these molecules.

*********internet definition******

The last week or so has been very interesting. I have been very weak physically. moving slow as if my mind wants every ounce of my energy to process information... or maybe its another part of my being that is in overdrive.

my brain feels like it is defragmenting the hard drive. I am SYNTHESIZING information and creating a new map of creation within my being.

I have been laying on the couch, or the porch, or in the bed a lot this past week. I read, nap, take notes... get up planning to do something, and then fall back into the same heap of concentration all over again. lots of synthesis going on...

Dreams in the night

I had a dream... and now I am awake at 2:47 in the morning with a sense of awe.
Taylor had a dream too, and in his dream he asked me a question. It woke me enough to realize what I had just been dreaming. so I am glad he was talking in his sleep.

I am filled with a certain sense of awe right now. the night is still all around me and I can feel the dream still alive in me as reality. I am sleepy and I will go back to bed in just a bit... but I didn't want to let the dream slip away. I didn't want to miss this moment. I had to write a moment, and capture the moment to remember tomorrow.

...

something amazing is happening again.
something new and fresh is unfolding in my life and I am walking in the middle of it only half aware.

dreams give us a greater glimpse.
and i want to remember all this inspiration

Summer Possibility ~ from the Life List

It might not be summer yet in your world... but my summer officially started today.
I was walking back from 5points the other day with a friend and we started talking about horseback riding... and I said "Its on my life list to ride horses on the beach. I'm gonna try to do that this summer.... " and so I started thinking about a lot of things on my life list. I picked some out as possibilities for this summer.


******POSSIBILITY******
* start the porch parties
* read a fiction book in a hammock
* ride horses on the beach
* swim with dolphins (just signed up for this! end of july)
* go out on a harley (with a driver!) and take a ride on a back road
* hang a swing in my house
* lay a blanket in a field during & dream like a child.... no limits
* sing live karaoke (just did this!! and will again :)
* paint and send letters to friends that are written on huge sheets of butcher paper
* paint an entire block with sidewalk chalk… bring in people from the neighborhood to help (ah! I did this!! cool... I'll do it again)
* take my backpack and hang out in a seclude corner of the park with my laptop all afternoon
* make webpages that tell stories of the people that inspire me
* camping

not pushing to make all these things happen...
just going with the flow.
and SURELY other great things will fill in all the gaps ....

even MORE pleasure please....

Whats your **pleasure*** ???
what makes you feel undeniably grateful to be alive?
do you know your satisfaction?

Is it something you have
is it something you feel
something touched or
is your pleasure a state of experience

I have found that people sometimes shy away from the word ... pleasure.


or put it off.... pleasure later.
deny it... never. not for me.
or turn away. walk away. and walk into dissatisfaction.
no pleasure....

* ~ * ~ * ~
I am stepping into the middle of my experience of pleasure.
I have walked to the center and I am bellowing out my desire for MORE.

more freedom
more movement
more releasing
more space
more experiences
more flavors
more dancing
more singing
more exchange

more sunshine
more moonlight
more stillness
more beauty
more pleasure please

Arms open wide.
Room for more.
This is my life
and I am enjoying this Pleasure.
unbounded.

so damn busy and i LOVE it....

Welll..... summer sabatical is in full gear.
and this grlll is loving her creative pleasures!

I finally got my office all set up (or at least set up ENOUGH ) thigns are organized again and sorted into more manable zones. painting stuff here, fabrics here, and a very tall bookshelf that is covered in "project stacks"

i am so stoked about working on these projects!

i love my life.
i love my life.

this is the best experience i could possibly imagine for this summer....
i am very much filled with gratitude.

put me on the mood elevator

put me on the mood elevator
hot hot
i'm riding to the top
im going go from the bottom
to the top floor

its crazy hectic in the basement with the boxes
with the old and dirty shoes
i'm riding on the mood elevator
and i'm taking me with you

my clothes change colors from dingy to blue
my face goes from frowning to singing outloud shining with pleasure and goodness flowing thru
me to you
its my mood elevator
and i'm taking me with you

at the bottom floor we're sad and blue
but on the mood elevator we move right through
and what do we want
we want good good stuff
shiny steady central highness
traveling
up to the top
making everything glow in the light
glow in the sunshine
at the top
close to the clouds
close to the sun
laying naked and feeling alright
there where you'll find me
feeling alright
in the sunshine
at the top
feeling alright
all is well
and i am bright

so i moved everything around again...

if you know me...
you know i move things around a lot.

really... i think its a lot of fun.
i change every day to some degree... why should i keep walking around in the same scene?
its kinda like an environmental art project to me. i rearrange my environment and i echo whats going on inside me.

i have been inside organizing everything in my studio/office the last few days.

i have been sorting out art supplies.
& creating a massive spreadsheet "flowline" pages that map out possible paths for my summer & fall in regards to kastle key (yes, this is true i am a computer nerd)

and i have also been pulled into a massive organization of my house pictures. let me tell you, this has been on my personal wish list for 3 years now. its giving me a lot of satisfaction to create a little storybook of memories using all these photos. i'm happy to share it all, but really its for me. so that I can remember. so i can read the story again and again and remember how much i absolutely love my life. how many blessings have been there for me because i have believed in the power of life. its there for every single living breathing one of us... but this is my story and i relish in the details.

yeah, im happy.

check out my photography journal .. and click on "house love" to see what i'm talking about.

life doesn't stop... so i just keep on rollin

the last three weeks have been a little odd. i set a new ball in motion when i decided to move some rooms around. i'm still trying to get things settled back into their new place. i also accepted work on a few outside projects and i got a little lost from my own work while helping others. i am trying to refocus and reclaim my boundaries a little bit right now. what is it that i am focused on?? huh?

i think i will spend thursday trying to get my studio set up in a way that will delight me a little more. right now it just seems to be a big mess and every time i walk in i want to walk right back out, or come to this corner and turn my chair so I am looking away from it all.

its time to lock all my doors, and hide away for a few days.
its time to imagine everything finding its place. to imagine order.
life doesn't stop.... so i just keep on rollin.
in the undercurrent of confusion, all my projects are still alive and rollin along with me.
i just need to get a little clarity so i can see everything clearly again.

Wild Things..

.... you can trust your desires.

they are leading your heart. desires are like little episodes of possibility that play on your minds eye. what do you see? what do you quietly dream about when all people have exited and its you alone with you?

lately i have been pushing the boundaries in my mind. thats where they move first ya know. in the mind before the world around thee.

I'm pushing out farther now that spring is here. its the green. its the tank tops and barefeet that are feeling sunshine again. i feel alive.
hibernation is behind me and i've slothed off the blankets and sleep and I feel awake and full of wildness.

everything mildly wild, outrageously wild, remotely adventurous has my attention right now. motorcycles and dancing naked running through my mind. ahhahahah alluring. ahhahah

i listen to the whisper. i turn my head when I catch fascinating out of the corner of my eye. this is HERE to move me. to take my hand and lead me farther into my destiny with MY life. my experiences.

there is nothing to be afraid of.
there is nothing to hold me back or limit me.
my wisdom runs deep.
i know myself
my discernment is keen
my wildness is untapped.


ahahha I am laughing now... thinking of the sign i made years ago.

"this is the wild woman's journey.
diving into my rich flowing core.
pursuing truth.
Finding more."

and the journey continues for me.
and i absolutely love it!!!

deadline or no deadline?

no deadline....

well the friends I am running with would love for me to commit to the half marathon that is coming up in a few weeks. it sounds so fun... but I really don't want to have a deadline.
when I committed to this i wanted it to be a practice that complimented my new way of "doing" things.
learning pace. going with the flow. learning how to get there without a deadline. i'll arrive when i arrive.
yeah. so i'm not signing up for this one. but i know that eventually i will be ready. and i will know i am ready.
i trust this process.

BUT i did hear that there is a 5k coming up in a short while and for the first time ever that sounds very very manageable! so i think i might do that. how cool will it be to get a number :)

Trusting the Process

I was drinking my morning coffee in the bathtub this morning... (morning bubble baths are so different than evening ones.. a whole different mood and thought process is followed) Anyway... it was morning sunshine and visions of how my day might unfold...
and I was noticing that as much as I am relaxing into this creative sabbatical in my life, as much as I am enjoying it and riding a wave that is effortlessly carrying me along.... I still have to focus on trusting the process.
I used to be more comfortable trusting hard work to get me somewhere. I was used to setting deadlines for myself and pushing myself to accomplish things more quickly.
Now I am teetering. Transitioning from one way of being into another way of being is not one distinct step in most cases. this has been a process of accepting more relaxation and pleasure into my life. this has been a process of observing myself riding the wave effortlessly and easily. there's an ocean of life under me.. and its moving me across miles of water while i am resting. while i am dreaming. while i am trusting.

again i am grateful

still running

I'm still running...
its been gentle lately, because my shins have been inflamed a bit and because its been raining straight through 7 days now. Its nature break for me. I've had few light jogs and I am amazed about the fact that the easy stuff for me now, used to be what felt almost impossible. that is awesome to experience. growth.

I got some awesome shoes. nike free shoes. taylor introduced me to them from his wish list. they have soles that bend and shape to your foot. its supposed to be as close to running barefoot as a shoe can mimic. its cool. it took awhile to get used to them, but now i wear them around the house and feel like a track star. hahah
its so fun to do new things in life.

my beach house collage

so, if you know me well... you know i am planning on getting a beach house someday. i made an awesome digital collage today with a bunch of my favorite pictures. here's the notebook.

dreams i am touching

warning : i am having a slight coffee buzz. i haven't had afternoon coffee in awhile and i just got a latte :)

ok... there is so much going on in my little world today. i am blissed out.
in case you don't know.... my winter hibernation has moved into a summer sabitical. a creative sabatical. I spent the last two months creating this digital vision board/brainstorming notebook on my computer that has been so much fun and now I am looking for a place for the summer that I can use to start building all this stuff! if you come across any opportunities let me know. (think garage with an ac unit.) a workshop. a place where i can paint signs, haul in couches, paint furniture, store tables... that kinda place. ideally I would like it to be sorta close, so i can pop in whenever. i am so excited. this is going to be where I can really create.

two other things... I think I have more money coming my way again ;) I feel it coming. so I'm pretty excited about that, because the last time it came in I was able to shift my schedule to what it is now, in order to make time for all this stuff i am creating... and this time I think its going to be just what I need to get my operating budget to the level I would like before moving into our new space. I knew it would be here for me as soon as the timing was right to move forward.

I keep seeing these amazing visions of whats just up ahead. these pictures are so real, so tangible, i feel like I am walking in a dream while awake. i almost don't know what is real and what is a vision. when this happens, I know my visions are beginning to collide with the energies that have been set in motion to create in reality. walking reality.

The Place of Gratitude

Once you move into the place of gratitude....that's when it all comes together. That is when we are really in the essence of creation.
It is in the place of complete expectation and belief that gratitude swirls around my being and everything falls in place.

I am in that place right now.
I have full knowing that all is well ... all is very very well. Miracles are happening as specks of dust move and swirl to orchestrate this new creation.
Its a remarkable, microscopic process that has the power to move boulders and align me with all the resources and opportunities needed.

I am grateful. I am in a swirl of happy blissful gratitude.

I got there...

Last night I went out to run and I felt like a ton of bricks. I went for awhile thinking eventually I was just going to break through the fog. It never really happened though and I decided to be kind to my body and let it walk. There was a storm brewing and I left the process for some sushi... a vegetarian sunshine roll that was delicious. I went home and went to sleep.
I think sometimes we just have to honor where are bodies are on a particular day. I went to the process. I was present and that seemed to be the most important part. I know I will run better next time because I kept the habit going. I got there....